Why I am

My name is Kelli and I am a 28 year old pastor living in Kansas City, MO. I grew up in a Southern city where people spoke about equality but lived in specific neighborhoods without crossing the racial line. Whether in my hometown or in Kansas City, we still live divided lives whether by race or class or a variety of labels and prejudices that only hold us back. This couldn't be further from what God desires or what the promises of our country hold. In church as well as in our American neighborhoods (and around the world), I believe that true community is built among a variety of people all sharing the best of themselves, working together to make a just world. My husband and I moved into a diverse neighborhood with the hope that with one step we can make a difference in building up community where our faith and values are lived out. As modern people, we speak of justice in punitive ways, but the Biblical sense of justice is centered in the idea that all people will eat well, all people will live well. This is the type of country I desire, the type of justice I desire. I am voting for Barack Obama because he shares that value. He has not asked me to put anything before my faith. He has simply asked that people believe in their ability to make a difference in their country, wherever they may be starting. I start in my faith, and hope that the images of peace that I see in the Bible where people live in harmony may become more real under a Obama presidency. Whether my neighbor shares my faith or not, I know that many share a hope for a better America where the dignity of each individual is lifted up before the "rights" of corporate America. Come January, I look forward to working with Obama and all of the United States to make this hope come true.

Learning to Trust

This past weekend marked the one year mark with Lucy. Lucy is our German Shorthair Pointer. Living with her around has been quite an adventure. Before getting her, Nick spent many hours on the website petfinder.com. He would look at pictures and stories of dogs in need of a home. Many times, I would look too. However, the prospect that many of these dogs will be euthanized before getting a home would always push me away from the computer. My emotions would overwhelm me. Finally, Nick felt moved to call about one dog, a sad-looking GSP whose status had changed to **URGENT**. (That is the petfinder language for imminent death.)  We decided to arrange to get her, admitting that if it didn't work out, we could take her to a no-kill shelter. As we picked her up after her journey from Western Kansas to KC. (Thankfully a shelter worker was coming to visit his family in KC. He was also the one that kept her alive nearly 2 weeks past the normal routine.) I wish we would have do wnloaded the picture that was on the web. She was scared, balled-up in her cage. When we picked her up, we saw something different...

Lucy is a beautiful dog. She is curious, playful, and demanding of attention. She could cuddle for hours and if you move, she moves to get closer.  At first, she ran out the door every chance she got. She really loves to run. In the past year, she had learned to come when we call her. I cannot remember the number of times we ran after her, usually getting a phone call from some kind stranger who grabbed her. She still runs, but she runs knowing that we love her and take care of her. We go to the park each day and she plays off leash and comes when she is called.  A year seems to be the mark of true trust. We worked with her, and worked with her, and worked with her. Lucy has been reminded in all our actions that we are not giving her up and that we are her people.  Even now, I am sitting on the couch with Chaco at one end (the lab/pointer mix I've had for 7 years) and Lucy half-way laying on me with her chin in my elbow. We are a happy little bunch! 

It takes much longer to undo pain that it does to inflict it. In her short life, Lucy was undoubtedly abused, had a litter of pups, and lived her life in a small cage. Thankfully, we got the chance to teach her about being a dog, about having a human family, and being loved! How many dogs, how many people never learn these lessons. We are so quick to dismiss broken humans who make bad decisions as "bad people." I believe that if no one loves us the way we should be loved, that if we are broken and not loved back together, that we cannot be the best person we ought to be. God expects us to be the people who share love and help develop trust in the world. So, whether it's a Lucy or a new friend, I am working for trust and sharing what God's has instilled in me. Love and Trust.

Defiance and Mutuality

 Defiance…oh, defiance. There is a part of my personality that is deeply defiant. If someone goes out of their way to say not to do something,  that is the first things I want to do. And, many times I may even agree with the said person’s reasoning, but when it is presented in an authoritarian “I am in charge” kind of way, I will do the opposite. Why? Because I believe conversation is superior to demands and love is better than manipulation.

 

So, there here it is. I am blogging during the time that I was told only to listen and take notes. I am blogging during the time that I was told to stay off the internet.

 

That gets me to the point. I love living in respectful and loving relationship with people. I love developing friendships where mutuality is the key and reverence for the God within each person, the imago dei (the image of God) in each of us.

What about you?

Summer Days

When I moved to Kansas City, I had no idea that summer's like this existed. When you live in hot climates, summer has a certain feel --  sweltering! Last summer was pretty warm in KC, but this year has been amazing. We rode the bike yesterday, running some errands, and enjoying a Sunday afternoon. Through certain neighborhoods, the ones with lots of trees, I even got a little chilly. It is difficult to ignore the majesty of this world, all it has to offer that is beautiful, when there are days like we are having now. When life is overwhelming, there is still beauty to view. When days are long and hard, a single bloom can lift a heart. 

When a Minister gives Ministers a Bad Name

There is a church dear to my heart that is going through its second power-grubbing, judgment wielding, spirit crushing "minister." I have to put that word in quotes, because to call either one of these people real ministers is to degrade the calling. 

Being a minister, a pastor, a servant is a high calling. People expect a great deal from you, but they also will give you back power, love, care in ways no one can truly anticipate. And, there is nothing wrong with people giving their pastor those things, not even power, but...

When a pastor does things unethically, and is never called into question, when a pastor manipulates people for personal gain, when a pastor fails to love and judges instead... I am ashamed of my profession.

And, what makes me more ashamed is that the lay leadership lacks the confidence to do what they are there to do: hold the pastor accountable. So, yet a second time, this church is allowing a pastor walk all over the gospel, to walk all over them, to walk all over and tear them apart from the inside out.

So, when someone says to me "church is full of hypocrites," and I look at this situation, it becomes harder and harder to counter it. 

So, I hope... I hope and I pray that someone in that church will stand up for what is right and demand accountability. I hope and I pray that God will always remind me of why I am called to ministry: to serve the people and serve my Creator. I hope and pray that this situation will have very few casualties. (I have to say few, because I already know there are some.) I hope that the piece of my heart that is breaking for this congregation comes to the forefront of every decision I make in ministry. For, if ever my ministry kills someone's joy, it's not ministry at all.

This is a sad confession to share with you. But, I believe God is calling out a greater church, a church where people are loved and respected and challenged to be better people, a church where even in disagreement, we act in love. God wants more from church; God just might want us to be Christ-like. (Who would imagine that!?!)

Leaving the Plaza

I have spent most of the day packing my office. Yesterday was the last sermon at Community. It really is the end of a 2 year roller coaster of ministry. I have learned a lot, got my footing in a field that many times eats people up and spits them out, and have fallen in love with a congregation.

When you grow up always going to church, you don’t know how to truly appreciate a congregation. You take for granted that you see people every week and that they are there for you in all the happy and difficult times. As a pastor, I have really begun to appreciate all that being a part of a congregation can be: celebrating births, mourning deaths, encouraging creativity, developing leadership, affirming life’s beauty and challenging its difficulties, dealing with people who others would rather shake off like lint. There is a depth to living in the community of a congregation that is rarely found in other ways, at least not as easily formed.

In all that I do, there will be a piece of Community in me. And, hopefully, the work the God has done through me will live on at Community.

8th Graders for the Love of God

Many Christian youngsters have a summer ritual. First, go to Vacation Bible School (aka VBS). Second, go to church camp. I was one of these youngsters. My mom always (or it seemed like always) directed the VBS at my church and I hopped on the church van (an old 1980’s white Chevy 15 passenger we called “Vanna White”) headed to camp in Tioga, Louisiana.

Tioga was a special place. It had a converted chicken coup with a stage and busted out windows, a circular dorm with one half for girls, one half for boys, and the smell of wet concrete. There was an old pool just steps from the vespers area and lake that no one was allowed to touch, much less invited to swim. And, there was the dining hall complete with a sign that read “DINNING HALL.” We loved that place with its pealing paint, rickety doors and absolutely fantastic food prepared for us by a local Pentecostal family. (Besides my Catholic school, camp provided wonderful ecumenical/inter-denominational experiences.)

Many of the people that I met there are those who I speak to regularly. And, thanks to the internet, I have kept up with many others over the past few years. Because of those friendships, I now make it a priority to counsel camps each summer. I have been doing this since my sophomore year in college. This year, I ended up co-directing the very first 8ers camp of Tall Oaks. This camp is done across the country with a Sexuality/Sex Education Curriculum called “Created to Be Me.” Given that it was the first year (and a transition year) we opted out of the regular curriculum, but kept the eighth grade only format. This was the most amazing week of camp I have ever been a part of as an adult. We had an amazing adult staff who I loved working with. We also had an amazing group of 8th graders (heading into 9th) who created a truly Christian community.

So many times, Christian communities are isolated, exclusionary, and filled with catch22 statements. I should say those aren’t actually Christian communities. They are groups that call themselves Christians, but act differently. What I witnessed last week was the forming of a place where everyone was invited to share the gifts God gave them: from singing, to dancing, to running, to praying, to telling a joke, to…! What I witnesses this past week was the creating of a group that truly loved and respected each other and held each other accountable when one missed up: “Come on, be a part of the team;” “Let’s start over so everyone can have a part;” “What do you think, You haven’t said anything yet.” It was amazing.

I am so thankful to have been taught by 8th graders how life should really be and how we should create community. I kept finding myself, what if what happened with these youth happened in our world. (No, not by making everyone become Christian. That has never and will never work.) What if the ways that these youth treated each other were they ways in which people everywhere treated each other? It would be an amazing way of living, as if every voice mattered, as if every person had gifts to bring, as if every heart is beautiful not because someone jumped through the right hoops, but just because they ARE.

Thanks be to God for the gift of church camp. Thanks be to God for the gift of 8th grade youth. Thanks be to God for a vision of life where all of creation is loved not because they have the right label, but because they are.